how to (actually) enjoy your PhD 😁

TL;DR

Build a peer network of PhD students to reduce imposter syndrome and gain practical writing support like edits, brainstorming, and sounding boards.

Briefing Cornell Notes

Briefing

Enjoying a PhD comes down to two things: building real support so imposter syndrome doesn’t isolate you, and taking ownership of the work so you’re not waiting for motivation or institutions to carry you. The most immediate lever is social—finding other PhD students who are living the same uncertainty. When imposter syndrome spikes during research and writing, talking with peers who are also struggling tends to shrink the feeling that you’re alone. It also creates practical benefits: people to brainstorm with, to swap drafts for edits, and to serve as a sounding board when decisions feel stuck.

The friendship-building strategy is concrete. One approach is joining a graduate student association so PhD students see each other at least monthly, and conversations naturally turn toward shared challenges. That regular contact matters in fields where work is often solitary, especially in humanities programs. A second approach is direct outreach. During the pandemic, a theater and performance studies group used a Facebook forum that included both current students and alumni; posting about loneliness and inviting others to chat led to one response—and that single connection grew into a deep friendship, including co-writing a paper and ongoing mutual editing. The takeaway is that networking isn’t just career capital; it’s emotional infrastructure that can make the PhD feel survivable and even collaborative.

From there, the advice pivots to self-compassion paired with tough love. Comparing timelines fuels guilt, and the “unwritten expectancy” that everyone should finish quickly can be corrosive. PhDs are personal journeys—especially as an independent first major research and writing project—so finishing times vary and institutional support often exists to match different paces. But the harder truth is that the PhD is also a responsibility: as courses end, structure disappears, funding may run out, and supervisors may become less reachable. When that happens, progress depends on self-advocacy—reaching out, applying for grants or jobs, and setting boundaries and timelines. Blaming others can be tempting, and sometimes a supervisor change or additional institutional support really is necessary; still, the core work remains yours.

That leads to the most actionable mindset shift: do the work, even when motivation is unreliable. Practical tactics include the Pomodoro method, gamifying word counts with rewards, committing to “five minutes,” and using writing prompts that shrink the task—like Ann Lamott’s “one-inch picture frames” idea from Bird by Bird, where you write only what fits in a small visible window. Writing buddies and group sessions (including Zoom work sessions) can help maintain momentum, but the emotional payoff comes from knowing effort was made that day.

Finally, the PhD should be treated as a long process where mistakes are not detours—they’re the route. Wrong turns, failed experiments, and drafts that don’t work are part of research and writing, and multiple revisions are what make later writing legible and interesting. The work can feel “hardest most useless and impossible” at times; in those moments, reaching out to supervisors and friends helps re-anchor the reality that others feel the same way. The end goal isn’t just finishing—it’s learning to enjoy the ride while building the skills that get you there.

Cornell Notes

Enjoying a PhD starts with building a peer network that reduces imposter syndrome and provides real writing support. Self-compassion matters because PhDs finish on different timelines, but tough love follows: the student is ultimately responsible for pushing the work forward as institutional structure fades. Motivation can be unreliable, so strategies like Pomodoro sessions, word-count rewards, “five minutes only,” and Ann Lamott’s “one-inch picture frames” make writing less daunting. Treat failures, wrong turns, and multiple drafts as normal research steps rather than evidence of being off-track. In the hardest moments, reaching out to supervisors and friends helps remind students they’re not alone.

How can friendships with other PhD students directly improve both mental health and research output?

Peer contact can quickly reduce imposter syndrome because it shows similar struggles are shared rather than personal. It also creates practical support: people can brainstorm, act as a sounding board, and exchange drafts for edits and feedback. The transcript describes developing deep friendships through graduate student association meetings (regular monthly contact) and through direct outreach in a theater and performance studies Facebook group during the pandemic, which led to ongoing editing and even co-writing a paper.

What does “be compassionate with yourself” mean in the context of PhD timelines?

It means resisting comparison and the guilt/shame that can come from finishing “too slowly.” The PhD is framed as a personal journey of self-discovery and an independent first major research and writing project, so the time it takes is expected to vary. Institutional support may exist for different paces, and the student gets to decide how they feel about their pace—so confidence and comfort are part of the strategy.

What “tough love” responsibilities become more important as the PhD progresses?

As courses end, structure disappears and the student must manage learning and readings independently. Funding can run out, requiring applications for grants or jobs. Supervisors may become less responsive, so the student must reach out, advocate for themselves, and sometimes set boundaries and timelines. The transcript also acknowledges that changing supervisors or needing institutional support can be valid, but emphasizes that the core work still requires the student’s active effort.

Which writing tactics are used to make starting and sustaining writing easier?

Several methods aim to reduce the intimidation of writing: the Pomodoro method, rewarding word counts, and telling oneself it’s only necessary to sit down for five minutes. Another tactic is Ann Lamott’s “one-inch picture frames” approach from Bird by Bird, where writing is limited to what fits within a small visible frame, making the task feel manageable. Writing buddies and group work sessions (including Zoom) provide accountability and momentum.

Why should mistakes and failed results be treated as part of the PhD rather than a sign of failure?

Wrong turns and negative outcomes are described as normal components of research—doing things differently to generate new and interesting results. Drafting requires iteration: writing that becomes clear and readable later typically needs numerous revisions. Reframing “failures” as the mechanism for improvement helps students learn to enjoy the process of getting better.

What should a student do during the hardest moments of the PhD?

When the PhD feels “hardest most useless and impossible,” the transcript recommends reaching out—to a supervisor and to friends—so the student remembers that others also feel that way. That social reminder counters isolation and helps keep the student moving until the “shore” of completion.

Review Questions

Which two strategies are presented as the fastest way to reduce imposter syndrome during PhD writing?
What responsibilities increase as institutional support fades, and how does the transcript suggest responding?
How do the recommended writing tactics change the way the student approaches starting a writing session?

Key Points

1
Build a peer network of PhD students to reduce imposter syndrome and gain practical writing support like edits, brainstorming, and sounding boards.
2
Join structured graduate communities (such as a department graduate student association) to create regular contact and a workplace-like culture in otherwise independent programs.
3
Reach out directly when loneliness hits; one meaningful connection can grow into long-term collaboration and co-writing.
4
Practice self-compassion by avoiding timeline comparisons and treating the PhD as a personal journey with variable pacing.
5
Prepare for reduced institutional structure by taking ownership: manage learning, apply for funding, and advocate when supervisors become less responsive.
6
Use concrete writing-start strategies (Pomodoro, word-count rewards, “five minutes,” and “one-inch picture frames”) to make writing less daunting.
7
Reframe wrong turns, failed results, and multiple drafts as normal research steps that lead to better outcomes and clearer writing.

Highlights

Friendships with other PhD students function as both emotional support and a practical editing/brainstorming system, shrinking imposter syndrome quickly.

Self-compassion is paired with tough love: timelines vary, but the student must still do the work and self-advocate as structure and funding change.

Writing becomes more manageable when the task is reduced to small, visible steps—such as Ann Lamott’s “one-inch picture frames” approach.

Mistakes and failed results aren’t off-path; they’re the path of research, and multiple drafts are what make later writing legible.

During the worst moments, reaching out to supervisors and friends helps counter isolation by reminding students they’re not alone.

Topics

PhD friendships
Self-compassion
Self-advocacy
Writing productivity
Reframing failure

Mentioned

Ann Lamott